Sorry guys!
I really wanted to write more often but then again a few things happened and I didn't really feel like writing - or as if there was anything to write about!
So actually today I wanted to show you some pics but I still have them at my phone so I will show them to you another day-
So this will only be blabla and if you didn't want to read it, this would be the right time to leave the blog:)
So recently I made quite some of my friends and of course my family worry about me a lot. There has been more than one reason and actually some of the reasons are still there but there is no need to talk about that right now.
Fact is that I needed a break from just everything and this is why I ran away from this life here for some days - a week in fact.
I went to that place that makes me feel at home and safe the most and I spend my days with people I was sure that they would understand and accept me the way I am right now.
Fact is that I changed. Fact is that I also changed into things I never wanted to become again - but I was so afraid of becoming it, that I did become like that - nearly exactly like that again.
And only a few people know me long enough to know that. Know me long enough to know how to handle me(thus i have to admit that all my friends handled me pretty fine i would say and I am very thankful) so I wanted to return to the people knowing how to give me strenght - and it was one of the best decisions I ever made.
Leaving was hard. Leaving and returning to here was hard... but as for my job for example, they tried to do EVERYTHING to make it more fun for me - which was really cute and not necessary as it was not really about the job anyways. But I felt flattered, that they wanted me to come back soon .. I was glad that they showed me I was welcomed.
Though to come back to the time I took of - I did really need it. And I think actually i need some more. Maybe a month or something like that, but of course i know, that I can't get that so it can't be helped.
that time just showed me that there were people accepting the me I am right now. I can't change back right now as there are things holding me back from doing so. And thus I am doing my best it won't work out it only a few weeks.
Still I decided on something else. I know this is unfair for so many people around me, but I decided tha first of all _I_ need to get better and get love and friendship and all these great feelings, before I am able to give as much as I did before.
Some of my friends might say I didn't enough. Or it has been a long time since I did give anything. Or it is unfair.. I am sorry for that.
I am just trying my best to come out of here again.
This doesn't mean I won't care about my friends anymore. My friends are still so very important for me, i could never stop caring. It just means that ther emight time where you can't get in touch with me or times I seem to not really care. I am already sorry about that but I don't know how to work this out in another way.
Also I will still be busy these days as I do still have quite a lot of appointments so...
anyways...
I am kinda happy to be back but still miss this place where I could be me and nobody cared.
I will try my best..
and from tomorrow there will be more cheerfull things on this blog again!
thanks for reading and stay tuned!
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